i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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