were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
