Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
