You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
