Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
