His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
