Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
