in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
