I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
