she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
