Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
