I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
