I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
