Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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