I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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