So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
