Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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