There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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