Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
