He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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