I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
