I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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