You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
