This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
