"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
