Where did you get a picture of my penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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