I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i don't like sucking hair
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
