I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
