thus making me awesome and them whores
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
