I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
