I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
