let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
