So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
