I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
