Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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