I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
