i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
