I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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