i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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