david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
