Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
