dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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