I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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