walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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