I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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