Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
