I want to stick my p in your. b.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
