I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
