I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
