So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
