Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
