Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
