I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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