WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
